If you've suffered a recent break-up, Valentine's Day was just a painful reminder for you. For the broken-hearted, it doesn’t take long for fear to swiftly follow the heartbreak. The disruption, destruction and devastation of breaking up is frightening. With your world flipped upside-down, the scary question asked is, “what now?”
Letting fear run your recovery can influence some pretty poor decision making like reckless behavior, poor serial dating or diving right into another relationship — rebounds for the win! — without clear headedness.
To start overcoming the initial aftershock of a breakup, rationalize your fears and use the tips below as your manual to successful single-hood.
Single Spinster Stigma
It’s true. Being single can be seen as failure, and single people face prejudice because of it. Bella DePaulo, a former Harvard-trained social scientist, shares that "singlism" exists — and it’s “stereotyping, stigmatizing and discrimination of people who are not married… a result of cultural insecurities.” Inferiority isn't check marking the box “single.” So stand out by not giving in to social expectations by creating a positive sense of self. Overcoming "singlism" rests in your state of mind and confidence.
Thoughts of being alone can cause a gal to break out into a cold sweat. As the obsession grows, so does the anxiety. Writer and New Yorker, Maria Del Russo knows that kind of fear. And when it comes down to it, life, as is, has to be okay, because it’s yours. For Maria, the best way to get over her fears is to get comfortable with them. Relinquish control and go with the flow. Plus, Maria mentions that in a recent survey of 51,000 participants, older non-married women were just as happy as married women. The fate of the single status doesn't have to mean forever doom.
The Loneliness Struggle
Loneliness for those in solo-hood is a reality. It ebbs and flows, but exists. And when breakup wounds are fresh, loneliness can hit like a typhoon. Think of this time as not a loss, but as a surplus of selfish “me time” to learn how to share your life with you. Life can be a positive and empowering experience when you go on an adventure, learn yoga, take time to cook or simply grab a latte by yourself. Also, don't discount the love you have with friends and family. You may be lonely at times, but you’re truly not alone.
Rejection stings. It’s hard to not take it personally, especially with online dating. In the digital dating pool, “ghosting” and breaking things off without communication is commonplace. Swiped left on Tinder? Texts ignored after a first date? Ouch. It comes with the territory. This type of behavior is, unfortunately, normal online etiquette. Serial online daters can get addicted to the idea of finding something better as standards rise because of the amount of options available. Try not to object to app dating though. Bustle shares these hopeful stats from SimpleTexting that break stereotypes:
- Men use apps mostly to find a serious long-term relationship
- 19% of relationships formed led to engagement or marriage
- Over 50% of users actually haven’t had a one-night stand
Never Finding Happiness
The future is unpredictable. Uncertainty is scary, but the possibility of anything can also be exhilarating — even beyond romance and relationships. Once the heart starts to heal and grief passes, take chances. Take risks and be open to new experiences to rebuild a new definition of happiness. Sure, you may find a new love in a relationship. But you can also fall in love with amazing experiences like volunteering abroad or the outdoors. It’s possible to not only survive your breakup, but thrive on your own.
To forge a love that lasts with another person, you have to learn to love yourself unconditionally first! Need helpful ways to fall in love with yourself everyday, read the blog here!
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